That day you said "watch what would happen if". You should know the rest. I think it's a good idea . God.

These are the last words I'm ever gonna get to say to you.
Afraid of silence. Feel like it could kill. It allows time for unwanted thoughts to wander, and take over. Any time quiet takes over my mind begins to scream. Things I don't want to think about. Memories that should be buried deep beneath the surface. Silence gives time for reality to sink in, for fears to become real. The moments the world falls quiet I can feel the sadness take over me. Pulling me down to that cold, dark place. The one I try to avoid. Sometimes I fall so quickly that I can't breathe, other times, I don't even feel it at all. Numbness is worse than pain. At least I have control of the pain. All hope is gone, no point in dreaming. Dreaming always ends in failure, and disappointment. There's no way out. Once you're in this place you're stuck forever. There's always one special person who can pull you out of the dark place just long enough to breathe. But then they let go, and you're in deeper than you were to begin with. People always leave. Which causes the feeling of emptiness. It's a cold, bitter feeling. But it can be easily hidden behind a smile. A smile that no one knows is hiding heartbreak. It's all just a big circle really. The world falls quiet, putting you down. Someone comes along, helping you up. You fall back down, and so on. The only thing that changes is that you get knocked down deeper and deeper each time. People always leave.

You were. So right. How much deeper? If your reading this, just like the book, you are, I'm not sure... Curious, I hurt so much. Inside and out.

At a hostal. My hip is bleedig. I'm down to 20 bucks. Fuck. I ran out of pain meds. I hurt. god. im hungry. My hand is swelling. Coming ack. again tomorrow.Great. fuck. I dont know why im still blogging. my release. god this was a bad idea.

Why. Me.

So. I'm at the hospital by myself... I'm going to be a cripple like you were last summer. When I met you... Here's an idea. You can come meet me.... Maybe you will like me... Maybe not. This sucks. I hate hospitals. So. I'm covered in hurts. I've never been put under before... I'm scared. I miss you. Like always. I want a hug. To smell my favourite smell. My feel you skin.. To know you love me. With not one doubt.

Every Word Feels Like A New One.

Thank you. You read it. You saw the fence. You saw the book i wrote to you. Now. I just wait. Love is my decision to make any of your problems my concern. I want that. But. That doesn't change anything. I will always love you. And i have tried so hard to make it work. I tried. You weren't stubborn like me. You gave in. You always knew i would be the one who stuck around. And didn't give up no matter what. You still know that. I love you.

I'm scared Ry.

I'm scared. I have made all the problems myself, and things are getting worse. I tried to get what I want, what I need. Now I don't have either. I thought, things would be different. I thought that things like that don't change. So, what do I do. Go home? Put up with the mom. Or start back over? To where people care, but not the one's that really matter. My mom. You. My sister. I don't love my dad. I can't do this, but at the same time. I could. I could rip out all my feelings, lock them away, until it is safe to give someone the key again. What would you do? Lock them away? Or continue to suffer? Everything is so..scary. Thats the best word for it. Everything happens so quickly.

I just, want to go back to how it was. How it should have been,

I will end up with a broken heart. I know it. And you will carry on with life like I never existed. Because that's what you want.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RV-Z1YwaOiw

Phew.

Feel like I should be blogging. Don't know why. God I miss you. What am I kidding, you won't even be reading this. Uhm. Fuck. I can't even get out what I am trying to say. Just not working. Gah. I'm tired, got nothing to say. Fuck I'm a boring shit. Talking to myself here.. great.

Deadline.

Shit man, I'm tired. Just finished another assignment. Almost done. Talk about cutting the deadline at last minute eh? Hhaha. God. Anyway. Just got to do this last one. My feet are freezing, my mouth tastes bad. And I have what feels like a pulse in my stomach... not good. Tireeed. Argah uhm, I loveyou.

Assignment deux

Second assignment I'm onto now...Fuck. What now. Man, I miss you. Since when does it get light at 4AM, talk about awesome. Anyway, I love you. NEXT ASSIGNMENT. hehe. I love you so much.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bzDvRT6liXQ&a=ZI_iYEuoSXU&playnext_from=ML&playnext=5

I miss you.

I miss you. More than I have in a while. When is my friend going to realize she still wants to be with me? I'm sorry about things that have happened. But lets not lose sight of who we are, and what we want. Who we want to be with at the end of the day. Thats whats important.

Rouge

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=euV_6vK8SlI&NR=1&feature=fvwp


haha, found this while looking through some of my music on youtube. Isn't it funny, that you pop up at the most random times?

Wooow. Fuck, this is really something. Fuck. I don't even know what to say. Just. UGH. Fuck. fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. Duplicate. Thats my word. Duplicate. Thats what I am. A damn duplicate. I was told that, long before this happened, and I refused to believe. Now, look, its come true. Who knew someone who isn't even my friend, would give me the best advice. Wow. Really.

We're all breaking hearts. We're all broken hearts

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_sRndBLPGe8&feature=related


Uhm, goodnight my love. I just. Nevermind. I love you. Goodnight. Sleeping alone tonight, it feels wrong. It is worth fighting for.


"Well, if you want to take a chance
And try to make things right
You better have a reason to be loved
We all want something more
And it is worth fighting for... "

I love you, still. You asked me to.

Hi.

Can once in a lifetime happen twice?

Your so wrong.

"I guess what they said is right. and, what I said was right. You will move on with your life. You are moving on. After time, I will just be that girl from Dodge, that once-upon-a-time wished she had your heart. In the end, the words wont matter."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jw_4CCe-AwA

It hurts when you realize that the person that means the world to you, sees you as just a person, and not the world. "When you figure out love is all that matters after all it sure makes everything else seem so small." Right? Headache, homework. Break time. Had dinner at about 10, after fighting, yet again, just when things were getting better. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hzkS4DzYTj8
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ei8hPkyJ0bU
It's weird, I'm content with waiting, for, maybe even nothing.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qA6K-ouivhQ&feature=related

Look it this! Your mom admitted liking me. xP

Marcy Jaster
Hmm.. Preach away darlin'. We all know you did not create a facebook page so others could use it to be abusive towards your friends. You stand up sweety and don't ever let others get you down.

Nigel we rather like you in this house. Even if you do only come out in the rain.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EdBym7kv2IM&NR=1

Riley Cox No matter what you say, I know you better than you think. I will not let you down, I want you to trust me.
October 23, 2009 at 8:47pm · Comment · Like


I did. I gave you everything you wanted from me. I gave you me. All of me.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pY9b6jgbNyc&NR=1

I just learnt that I'm not special. Far from it. You say the same things about everyone. What was special about me all along? Nothing.
I wasn't special. Just a duplicate. That you could throw away when you got bored, and move on.

Nothing new. Someone else gives up on me. I thought you were my friend as well... I was wrong.
I am so confused at the moment. With everything. What is love? Just an emotion you can control. If you choose to. Or you can let it control you. How is it that those few simple things you think are true, turn out to be lies. I just want to feel you hug me again. I want to know I am not a duplicate. Not a fling. Who am I kidding. Thats all I ever was. The boy who it could never me. Right?
I think you have taken so many tears, and are still worth more. But why do I feel lost, if I know what I want. I wasn't worth the tears, you made very clear to me. So, I sit here, and wonder what really goes on in your head. I wish I knew you so much more. I am just confused, about how everything happened. This is not like you. I thought I knew you? Do I? Is it that I do know you, which is why I am questioning, or am I just crazy? Who knows.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kZKSz1tlHJc&NR=1

I'm not scared of what love gave me and took away.

I don't want to lose your face.
And I don't want to wake up one day and not remember what time erased.
I don't want to turn around,
Cause I'm not scared of what love gave me and took away.
And I don't want to lose your face.

I've got a picture of you in my bedroom.
And I hope it never falls.

I hope I never lose that feeling,
I used to get when you called.
And then I wondered to myself,
Who were you, where are you.
Were you ever here at all?

Please tell her.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NYtj1F4r3fI

Still up, still doing homework. Found this...



Riley Cox January 29 at 9:48pm Report
haha, yeah. well, if you're leaving..then tonight might be the last time.

Sincere.

I feel like it was important that I be blogging right now, but I don't know why. Beach today, and such. That was nice, Irish dancing, violin, time with my family. That was good. We stopped fighting as much, which I am gratefully happy for. Mom hurt herself, just a bit ago. Twisted her arm in the shower, fell. Not good. I'm worried, as her knee is getting worse, and she is having more trouble walking. Homework is trying to be done, and it looks like a storm is one its way for tonight. I love the rain, and hate it as well. It reminds me so much of you. I have been missing you a fair bit recently, but I know it will do no good, so I try to stay away from thoughts of you, but always remain back, like a lost puppy. I don't know if I'm wasting my time anymore, but I know what my love is, and I won't forget the way you loved me. So, I will continue, no matter how much you tell me to "move on". Thats not Nigel. You asked me to love you. I did. Now what. Homework. Movies score, I have really been in on. Listening to them constantly, and found a few of my favorites. I'm sure your sleeping by now, but, somehow I wish that you are thinking of me. That would make this whole situation a bit better. Anyway, I love you. Always will. I will kiss you again, and hold you how we used to. I will. Unless you refuse, which, then, I know that you have given up on me, which would be no surprise. I believed you. I really did. I thought you were sincere. Boy, was that a tricky and cruel things to believe.

ALL summer long.

I loooooove you sooo much :). Forever. Hugs, summer will be ours in a few years, just wait. Love you. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uwIGZLjugKA

Still my sunshine.

I'm thinking about you a lot right now. Because I miss my friend. You. Always brightened my day.

Unconditional love is a term that means to love someone regardless of one's actions or beliefs. It is a concept comparable to true love, a term which is more frequently used to describe love between lovers. By contrast, unconditional love is frequently used to describe love between family members, comrades in arms and between others in highly committed relationships.

I smile because it happened.

Mama's making bean dip as I type, and haha, you came to mind as soon as she told me what we were having for dinner. I'm smiling, and feel happy. Like, actually. Who knew something like music could make me feel this way again. Wow. Anyway, I miss you, I love you, thats all I have to say. Your on my mind.

You know, there are a lot of words in the dictionary. But only so little words to describe just what I want, what I think I want. I don't know anymore. I fight so hard for someone, that doesn't even want me, because it just causes problems....yeah, okay. Great.

Password: iloveyoury

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LKpZGGBHUMs

Your words.

Why is it, that I think what has happened in the past will repeat itself?

"I'm nothing without you.
Please, don't give up on me. Not yet. This isn't what I want. I just need time. I don't want to you to move on, you said you would wait. You said you would wait two years if that's what it took. You promised. You don't break your promises, I know that for a fact. I don't want anyone else. I can't even make myself have thoughts about anyone else, not that I want to. At the end of the day, you're the one I want by my side. Please, please, don't give up on me.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=gBeCKmIN8bQ"

You remember thinking these words? Do you? You can't ask for two things Riley, and you can't want two things either, can you? I think I know you, think I do. But, when I look back, I just see a girl who needs love somewhere along the way. I am willing to provide, but you need to say so. I'm sure a lot of other guys would be willing, and able to love you, despite what you think about yourself. I don't plan on giving up on you. I never have, nor will I. Whats the point of moving on, if I am still in love with you?

Wish

I really wish sometimes I could stop loving you. Sometimes it would make everything easiertr, but at the same time, I'm glad I can't.

Parting of loving someone is putting them first.

I woke up yet again with you on my mind. I want to know if you still wake up thinking about me, or if everything has just gotten better. Maybe. Maybe not. All I know is that I'm going crazy. My mom is still just as ad, if not worse. How could you just cut me out. No thought about how I feel? Did you ever really love me, or just pretend. Part of loving someone is caring about them, how they are, feel, etc... You changed your ring, meaning your heart is not taken, meaning you never really did give a shit. Its sad to think I trusted you yet again. And I let you do the same thing yet again. I never once told you I wanted nothing to do with you..... But I'm not you..obviously. I finished a book called At a Loss for Words. Pretty sad book. Started two more. Need to finish this course online to pass grade 9. I'm getting there..hopefully.. I just can't believe how everything changed so quickly. I thought you said forever and always. I thought you said nothing could change that. Stop saying it. I do love you..

Bettter for everyone.

So I have been getting school work done, and I still don't sleep regularly. I'm reading more often, and I really don't care about much. I'm hoping that the years we are apart will make it better when we are together again, if you want to be with me in that due time. I really hope so. Anyway, I got told today that I no longer have a job. Well, actually, what happened was they told me that they no longer needed to fill the position, because they were losing funding. So that sucks, a lot. And I was looking forward to it. So, next step. More school, more resumes, fix things with my mom.. Wait for you. Hopefully I can get everything in place, so I am a better me, when you get to be with me again. I think that would do good overwell for everyone.

Ugh

Woke up yet again. I hate this. I used to like to sleep. I miss her, no matter how much I try to convince myself I don't need her, I do

I love you with all my heart, and time, nor anything you say will change that. I promised you.
http://www.mp3boo.com/download-mp3/gary-go-gary-go.htm
You know what, it's fine. I hope you are alright. I love you.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y0s2uPd3CV4
Cheers. I'll meet up with you in a few. I promise. I don't break them. You know that.
I know this isn't what you want. I at least hope this isn't. I love you so much more than words can describe.

Well cheers Riley. You got me to love you. Congrats. You got what you wanted. A broken heart. You just like what you can't have. When will it ever be enough. I always loved you. I still do

So, I will learn how to swim. You will ride your bike. Another promise broken, nothing new.

So I can just get caught up in nothingness. I still can't believe the past bit. Lots has changed, and I am still in shock. Who knew you wanted this to end like this. Who knew.