And just like that

It's April 16th, 2023. It's been 13 years since those dramatic days of youthful love. Oh, how young. So much to learn. I remember feeling these overwhelming emotions when I was younger. Not knowing what to do with them. Not having any way of dealing with them. I wish I had any idea what the years would have in store for me. For you. It's been 13 years, and it seems like your memories will linger. I'm a full blown adult, and maybe it's just remembering those fiery emotions. Maybe it's a combination of many things. Maybe it was love. Who knows? I know that I'll always remember how pure and innocent we were. Ignorant. But happy. I sometimes day dream about different lives, where things went different ways. I constantly remind myself it's about the choices we make. We are all living out the choices we make. We are all looking for love. Cheers, Forever and Always, Nigel.

Time

Time is a funny thing, how it passes right through your fingertips. What are you going to spend the next 100 days doing? The next 400? It's amusing where life takes you, when you make so many plans that get forgotten. What happened to true pure innocence? What happened to the love you held so tightly to you? Was it just something of the past, or something more? Everyday is what I promised, everyday I said I would be there for you. But it seems the path less traveled is the longest one as well. I miss you, with so much passion I could set the world ablaze, although it wouldn't compare to the amount of feeling attached to an idea so simple. That life was supposed to happen, and to grow, you have to learn. I had never really understood the different between life and death, I mean, yes you are breathing, but who says you're not after you're long gone? Who says anything you have ever been told is true? And why is it important to you? As the past my, I like to close my eyes from time to time and draw back memories from our past. All I search for your face thoughts jump by of kissing you in the rain, of riding my bike at 3 in the morning, of crawling through your window and kissing you before I slept. I can still bring up walking in silence with you to the movie store, and when I saw you for the first time in quite a while. The relief of being in your presence, I never quite understood. Why could one person so much to me? And even after years upon years of trying to understand why, I no longer need to. I understand how we are who we are today. And I understand that tomorrow, We will be better.

Has it really been almost a year since I took the time to write on this thing?
Sometimes I get more and more caught up in the little things that I don't take the time to stop and think.
It's like the words to my musics is not at the right tune,
Like I'll just let another day go by and feel something, something new and exciting that will lift my so called curiousness.
Some days I feel like messaging you and telling you to just come get me.
I want you to just take me away from here, live life without these worries that are associated with these fears of not knowing where I'm going.
Everyone goes through these feeling, but I feel like no one seems to understand exactly what I'm feeling. But that's exactly how everyone feels. Right?
I don't open up and say what's on my mind to anyone anymore, which is kind of odd.
When I see my brother, he gets the deepest insights into my head.
Which are the normal ramblings of a 16 year old.
I don't know, i don't know, perhaps I just wish that things had turned out differently.
That my mom didn't change how she was, that she didn't yell at me for the stupid little things. She lets her emotions get in the way of her thoughts, which is never good.
I feel like i'm living a lie. I don't say what I'm feeling, and when I do I feel misplaced and out of this "normal society" behavior which I'm forced to endure at school.
I hate being called weird for having these thoughts and fascinations for things people take for granted.
I miss you. I'm not even really sure how much because I'm so NOT used to you being around.
I just miss how you smell. So bad.
Taking the days in stride, what have I learned in the year that's passed?
I didn't take enough moments to stop and think, which, now that my birthday is coming, will be my "new years resolution".
Take the time to smell the roses, cliche as that sounds.

I've never found quiet the right words to describe what I feel for you.
You always said I had a way with words...
You could make me smile even when the sky was falling,
And I'd walk that extra mile, as soon as you were calling.
You'd touch my hair, in a trance unless any other,
just like the pieces matches, and we were for eachother.

Ew. I have even lost my touch of words now.
I feel sick.

I miss you so much, its unbearable. You know what, this time apart has been way too long. I used to have a hard time not being around you for a day, but a year? Two? Three? Thats much more. :(

Ry, I miss you.

Wellllll wellllll Its 3:01 miss, and I'm listening to the raadio. Shoulllld do some homework, buuuut dont really feel like it :P.
Tired.
Tired.
Tired.

You know, since the last time I saw you so much has happened. And I miss you every single day.