fml.

Okay. I really don't like my life. I',m scared. Noe one is here. ijust want to talk to you. thats what i really need and want rigfht now. and you don't love me anymore. and i'm going crazy. actually. i think i need more hellp than i can get. so. just. forget about nigel. like you said you would never do. who say, i can't be superman? right. i just want to hold you in my arms and know that that was enough. for both of us.


"Then talk to her. I'm sure she's absolutely perfect. make sure that she knows to never, ever let you go. I can't respond anymore. please, stop messaging."

Okay. Those aren't the last words I am going to get to hear. You know what Riley. If I know you, you love me. You do. And I'm really sorry that we are not together, because I know that we would both be happier than imaginable. But, life isn't always fair. Things happen, and life goes on. People come. People go. But some come back.

I didn't really get a choice if I wanted to kiss her.
And believe me, I didn't. I feel really disgusted right now. I actually almost just got raped.
Actually. Guys don't get raped..right?

I love you so much, and don't understand you at the same time. Which is a very good thing. Because life would not be fun if everything was predictable.

Excuse me while I decide not to drink. I hate not being able to fend off people. It scares me to have someone on top of you, and you can't do anything about it..

Everyone is gone. Mom is gone. Sister is gone. You don't want to hear it. Or can't. Kate says she cares, but she doesn't.

You remember a post your wrote? About how someone comes and pulls you out of the darkness, and when they leave, you end up further down than before? I think you pulled me out, and I was so far under, I didn't even realize it until you came along. You saved me. I'm not crazy. I might be. I might. There have been no others girls. As I promised, I am waiting for you.




Lastly. Just, realize.

Nigel says:
*lol
*BEST SONg
emillllyalfa says:
*um, i don't mean to be a mood kill or anything
*but it's 5 in the morning over here
Nigel says:
*-_-
emillllyalfa says:
*if you want me to stay on
*i will
Nigel says:
*its fine. you can go.
emillllyalfa says:
*no.
*i'll stay
*but i don't know if i can cure that boredom of yours or not
Nigel says:
*i'm tired actuallyems.
*i think imma go to bed,.
emillllyalfa says:
*good.
*i think you could really use some sleep
Nigel says:
*ill talk to you later my darling :)
emillllyalfa says:
*vise versa
*hey, mind if i ask you something?
Nigel says:
*yes
*please do
emillllyalfa says:
*do you think life would be easier if it were all a dream
*that with all the bad shit that goes on
*we'd be able to wake up
*and have a fresh start
Nigel says:
*Emily. Lemme tell you someting.
*I think about killing myself almost every single day I live.
*So yes
*I do.
*Wish I could wake up
*and find my life a lot better,
emillllyalfa says:
*well just so you know
*if you were to kill yourself
*i'd have a lot less sunshine in my dream world
*my little world where everything makes sense..
*and the people i care about are happy and ok with who they are
Nigel says:
*I've haven't been happy since I was with Riley.
*No matter
*what other people say.
*Even if she is bad for me
*I didnt feel like dying
*actually looked forward
*to the next day.
emillllyalfa says:
*i don't think she's bad for you
*i think one day you'll look back on her
*whether you're an old man or a roommate with jesus
Nigel says:
*and remember one amazing girl
emillllyalfa says:
*and remember good times
Nigel says:
*I will remember love.
*And.
*I will remember a girl
*I would still
*drop everything for.
*Even
*after so many
*years.
emillllyalfa says:
*exactly.
*so tell me, what's so bad about that?
Nigel says:
*That I can't be with her now.
emillllyalfa says:
*i'm not saying it won't hurt
*but we learn in life.
*that's what makes dreams seem so pathetic
*and life so beautiful
*you'll grow
*riley will grow
*and you'll both look back on the days
*where everything seemed like a dream
*but eventually - and it may seem like forever
*eventually you'll wake up
*at least i hope i will.
*well shit - that's when i know i'm officially wiped out
*i've stopped making sense to myself ...and i'm rambling
Nigel says:
*hugs.
*sleep well ems
emillllyalfa says:
*sleep is the simplest time of day
*why is it so short?
*sweet dreams, nigel
*big, wide, bear hugs
Nigel says:
*nigel hugs
emillllyalfa says:
*the best kind of hugs
*oh geez
*g'night




I do love you, very much. You sleep well too. And happy birthday.