My heart will wait for you.

This could never be easy. Being away from you. I've always had trouble with it.
When we lived in the same town, it was easy. Whenever I needed you, you were there.
All I had to do was tap on your window, and you were there.
I don't have that anymore.
I remember many things about you, I remember just how perfect your skin is.
How soft and delicate you could be.
How when you kissed me you would hover just barely off the ground, and always smile afterward. I'm trying not to cry tonight, not because I'm sad, but because I'm happy.
I'm SO happy. You've taught me more than anyone could ever. Your still teaching me, even though your not here anymore. You teach me everyday how to be a little more like...me.
I'm up, it's a little bit past midnight, and I'm sitting on the computer, because I really don't feel like doing anything else. This is how I can talk to you, and so be it. I'll talk to you like this. I'll sit here, write to myself, and wish with all my might, and then some, that you are reading this.

"so don't give up girl
don't give in
don't stop believing in me
this is just the beginning

cause my heart will wait
my heart will wait for you
my heart will wait
my hearts gonna wait for you always"

I love those lyrics. They make me feel so..content with where my life is going.
They make me feel like I know what I'm doing, even though I don't have one clue.

I've got homework, a lot of homework. I've been drinking. I've been doing drugs. Just because its fun more than anything.
Kates stopped talking to me as much...mostly because I think we just...miss eachother. We don't have much to say, but when we do talk, its obvious that its been too long since we've seen eachother. But thats what time does. It grows some people apart, and others together.
Melissa doesn't talk to me anymore. I don't know why.
I have a mohawk, which is about 8 inches high. I'll post a picture as soon as I get one. I'm living with the oh so wonderful father right now...it's been like that for a while actually. I'm just getting used to it. I miss my mom terribly...even though I see her regularly..its not the same as living with her. At my dads there isn't...uhm...so much..whats the word?

Warmth?

My heart will wait. Let's hope yours doesn't get stolen. As you once said.."We don't control these emotions, they just happen". I've been really thinking about a few certain things you once said to me. Trying to decode something out of them that will explain just how I feel about all of this. How I feel. How you feel.
Do you still think it would be different if I saw you on the street? At a coffee shop? If I came to your front door, what would you do?
Too many questions, too many answers. Answers only lead to more questions.
So I'm better off not knowing.


Right?